June 12, 2021 was life changing for me. I was given the chance to speak on an international platform with an ex-football player, actress and a leading motivational speaker. I was so humbled that I was part of the Shawn Fair Leadership Experience Tour. I thank God for this man's vision and for him working so hard to manifest it. God gave Shawn a vision that would not only bless him but thousands. True vision from the Lord is not just for an individual but it is for multitudes and generations to come. Shawn has set the bar high with his level of professionalism and gentle spirit. His whole team has his vibe. They were the kindest and most helpful people I ever met. I knew they wanted each of the speakers up on stage to win. They knew if we win, they win. Shawn and his team, coupled with a lot of prayer and fasting, helped me win on that day. I left that stage a different person.
My speech was about my life-long struggle with low self-esteem. Self-esteem is a thinking disorder! I never thought of it that way. I always seen it as something I needed to overcome. A spiritual battle and not a mindset reset. I have always felt inadequate, unlovable and not able to achieve my goals, which is dosomething.org definition of low-self esteem. Researching my speech helped me to see my struggle for what it is. I need to change the way I think, not the outside of my body. My mind has been set this way through the experiences I had as a child. I have been looking at life through the pain of my childhood. I am not a little girl anymore. I am a grown woman who can control how she is treated. I can no longer allow my past to affect my future. This Ruby Girl has reset her mindset from victim to victor. Glory!
As part of the leadership tour, you had to work with a coach to get your speech stage ready. I worked with Raechelle Johnson who not only coached me but had me walk through the pain of my past. She helped me to get delivered from some things, ya'll. I was telling her how I was bullied as a youth. I felt it was based on what I had been through. Raechelle pointed out to me that those kids did not know what I have been through! Only I did. I was allowing my past to affect how I reacted to other people. There was no big sign on my forehead that said, "Molested, Abused". Those children picked up how I felt about myself. I didn't defend myself because I didn't know how. So I took the bullying because I believed I deserved it.
I had seen my parents constantly fight and fuss so much that I disconnected from them. I became self-sufficient at the age of 3. I felt like I was responsible for my own well-being. I was molested when I was 3 while my father was watching me. I made a decision to investigate noises I heard instead of going to my Dad and telling him what I heard. He eventually figured out that he couldn't watch me because he slept during the day and I kept sneaking out of the house. He sent me to the neighbors. Their son molested me. I held unforgiveness in my heart for years towards my father and didn't know it. I felt like if he had been paying attention to me as a toddler, I would have never been molested. I found out about my unforgiveness when I was going through deliverance and couldn't say, I forgive my father.
I am healed now because I forgave my father. I released him from the responsibility of the pain he caused me. It wasn't intentional but I was damaged because of his inattentiveness. Who are you holding captive in your heart? Your Mom, Dad, Spouse or someone else? You might not even know you have unforgiveness towards them. Ask God to reveal any unforgiveness you may have. The Son, Jesus is waiting to set you free!
A parting shout-out to Shawn Fair and Raechelle Johnson for their part in my journey to becoming healed and set free of my past. God used them to finally release the shackles from my mind. If you want to get free from past pain, give it to God and watch him, reset your mindset from victim to victor.
Until next time,
Your Favorite Ruby Girl
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